Sloth.

I need something else to do besides homework these days. Sitting at home day after day can be tiresome and boring. I try to find something to do, but I have no luck at times.

Being at home makes me lazy.

I need to be out doing something productive.

I wish I were in Northridge right now. I'd be probably sitting in front of my computer or the t.v. doing the same things I'm doing now, but it's different. There' d be less NOISE. I'd be doing my own thing, having ME time.




I'm sleepy. I'll continue my rantings later.

Words.

Do not speak words
for they posses no meaning without action

Do not try to explain what you do not understand
for experience only allows us to grow so much

And by knowing this
it prevents us from
Letting go

letting go of the
Experience

for the experience is what we try to live for

and what we live for is what we never seem to forget
Forget
Who we are
Forget
who we were
Forget
what we did
Forget
Forget ME

for words are what you gave me
In Silence
through your eyes
which spoke in endless verses
of songs, pslams, poems
of my past
my present
my future
haunting my every waking thought
only to see that I was blinded
by the search for
Words
words
w o r d s

to describe exactly what i was feeling
but silence In
sigh
lens
we sat in silence
in darkness
with only the moon gleaming in your
Eyes
as they smiled at me
briefly
for only that moment
with curiosity and

Still
NO
WORDS

waiting for that verbal
communication
that tonal vibration
to make my ear drum tingle
sending intricate sounds
throughout my soul
captivating my every thought
movement
desire
to surrender
to those
WORDS

But Silence is all we had
Silence is all we ever heard

Silence

is what remains
for you are no longer here



And now, I have Words
But you're not here to hear
to listen
to grasp
to comprehend
to understand

it's just






-silence-

BAH-HUM-BUG!! >:O

I realized that I'm not over it completely. I am still angry at him. In fact, I hate him. For everything he put me through, for making me wait so long only to tell me that he never had any intention of taking things further. He knew how I felt about him and used that to his advantage. I feel so used and I don't know if I can get over it enough to open myself up again. Not yet. As much as I want to, I can't.

IT HURTS LIKE HELL!

Every time his name is mentioned, I see his picture, sn, or hear a song that reminds me of him it tears me up inside and makes me feel angry at him, at the situation, at her for encouraging me, at myself for believing all the bullshit. I HATE IT!

I can't say that it's entirely his fault because I should have known better.

But I guess when you think that it's "love", things are never clear.

I should have used better judgment; should have never cross that line of friendship.

But we did. And it happened. But I have not forgiven him.

I don't think I ever will.

Summer days are gone too soon. You shoot the moon and miss completely.

Ugh. I read my last entry I wrote about a month ago and it made me cry.

I haven't had the urge to blog lately. I don't know why.

I think I should make it a daily habit.


Let's recap the summer, shall we:
(where should I start?)

• Jaena's friend, Heather's party
• Vegas (June 22-24) for Noel's birthday with Jaena and David
• Kick-off summer bonfire (June 30) at Huntington Beach
• Ricky's birthday party
• Getting lost in NoHo with Maria and Jaena
• Tony's birthday celebration at Grand World Buffet and Dave & Busters @ the Irvine Spectrum on July 15
  
• Vince and Oz's parties
• The Valley party with Raychel and friends on August 3
  
• RatPack Doubles 8-ball tourney @ Rack`em Billiards - August 4
  
• The Getty with Jaena & LJ
• Bonfire part II @ Dockweiler on August 10th
  
• ROCK THE BELLS 2007 @ the Glen Helen Pavilion on August 11 with Maria, Paul, Guevarra, CJ, Richard, Mike, Mark, Ozzie, and Chris. Saw Leilanie =D
  
• CJ's birthday celebration at D&B @ The Block in Orange - August 13
  
• Lilly's birthday dinner at El Pollo Inka with Jaena, David, Tony, Keith, and Willie - August 16
• Photo shoot in Gardena with Maria and Jaena
• Starbucks guy... Haha!
  
• Party @ my house Part 1 & 2 (August 17 & 18) - Karaoke and drunken nonsense =]
  
• Projekt NewSpeak (August 18) with Leilanie
  
• Lupitas Sunday afternoon with Jaena after a long Saturday night (haha)
• Guppies, El Pollo Inka, Del Amo/Galleria/Cerritos Mall, The Spot
• Six Flags with Jaena, Willie, Rachel, and Keith - August 24
  
• Vegas trip (August 25) with Jaena to meet up with Willie

This year's summer was the best summer I've had by far.

------------------------------------------------

I'm not in the mood to blog right now. I'll leave it at this.