stressed.

I don't know what I have to do to get a decent grade in that class! It's driving me insane. Test two, better than the first, but still not good enough. Ugh. I hate you 8am class!
Time to change my study habits - seriously, and limit distractions... internet world, that means you.

I need to relax.
Thank God for this weekend...
then it's all work and no play for me to get them A's.
Haha. Ugh.

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It's official, I can't study at home.
I need a study buddy.

Like this one. Hahaha!

VROOOM!

More and more I am starting to believe that I truly do fit in with a lot more males than females. And for the few females that I do befriend, all seem to have similar interests with our counter-parts.

It's not a shocking revelation of mine, just an observation that became quite clear today while engaging in conversation with some classmates while awaiting our results of our midterm.
(Which I did OK with, I know I could've done better if I studied earlier and actually got some rest last night, but that's besides the point of this blog.)

I was surprised with how comfortable I've become when talking with new people. I have never carried a conversation with the group of people whom I chatted with today and I must say it was very interesting. 3 guys, 2 gals... sounds like a typical situation I'm very used to. But instead of the normal dialog that I'm familiar with i.e., sports, movies, music, etc., I was faced with something that I haven't discussed in ages: motorcycles.

Of all things that to talk about, motorcycles. I was fine in the beginning of the conversation when we were chatting about classes, majors, personalities, and other things (including cars) because I was able to follow, but they total winded me with that topic. I'm guessing it was partly because of me that the topic came up, because as a girl, my nature is to bitch and complain about almost everything. So, bringing up the fact that I have to commute from home to CSUN twice a week and having to deal with traffic, one of the guys suggested that I should get a bike -- and the conversation continues, basically between two people whilst the remaining three stand there listening.

I need a refresher course on my bikes now. It's been a while. Haha. I've always wanted to learn how to ride a bike (and when I say bike, I mean motorcycle) but I know very few people who own one. Oh well.
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Another thing I noticed today was body language.
(With my lack of sleep, I become very observant. I suppose it's a way for me to stay awake.)

Male and female stances are completely different while in conversation with one another.
I was surprised that I actually noticed something like this but you can't really help it when you feel completely lost in a conversation.
So.. Males, when engaged in a conversation in which they are comfortable, then to stand upright, with their chest slightly protruded, seeming somewhat dominating, with their heads held up high and arms crossed to emphasizes their confidence. Males who have difficulty in finding common ground in a conversation tend to shy away, have their heads lowered and shoulders slightly elevated. Females however tend to be a bit more at ease with their stances while males try to keep that masculine image of being intimidating. Well, for the most part.

All of this from a 20-25 minute conversation with people whom I recently just met... and I didn't even know all of their names.
That'll change in the next few weeks.
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I've been blogging quite a bit lately.
Nothing to hide, I suppose.
And it helps me organize my thoughts.

change comes with time.

"I'm a new man."

So he says.

I don't know whether to believe it or not.
It is possible to change within a year, ergo my experience in doing the same.
But is it enough to convince and sway me to letting down my guard enough for curiosity to get a taste of whatever this is?
I am slightly conflicted between my gut-feeling and my logic.
It's a tad frustrating only because answers to my questions have been quite vague.
Then again, "it's not what they say, it's what they do," correct?

What to do, what to do?

-----------------------------

I need a good massage.
College campuses need to provide spa treatments to students.
Or at least have a place where we can relax, dammit.
And I mean, REALLY relax.
The Library and Student Unions DON'T COUNT!

procrastination's a 'B' word

Midterms are right around the corner.
I can't believe it's already half way through the semester.
I feel like I'm so behind, maybe that's because I am.
Oh well, just have to keep at it, I guess.
I need a break.
Weekend be kind to me; bar, ice skating, and clubbing. It shall be interesting.

Back to studying.
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My prayers are with you and your family, Jae.
It's been a while since I've chatted with the 'Big Guy'.

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"I dunno. I feel shy."

HAHAHAHA!

Wow. What is going on with some of the people in my "world"?

I'm in over my head.

I just realized exactly HOW MUCH work I have to do this weekend.
I shouldn't panic too much since it's only Friday.
One thing at a time I suppose.

Things to tackle this weekend:

Friday - SOCIOLOGY: articles, discussion board responses, and text book readings.
Saturday - BUDDHISM: text book chapters, discussion board responses, and study guide questions
Sunday - AS.AM.Hist: study guide for Midterm #1


Looks possible. I just need to limit my distractions.
Alright, time to stop thinking about all of it and just do it.

------------------------------------------------
maybe I should pass on tonight... considering all the things I have to do. hmm...

waterworks.

I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi

STUPID SONG MADE ME CRY! Hmph.

-----------------------

Ugh. WHY?! Why must I let my emotions get the best of me?

I was doing fine.

Why did you have to come back into my life NOW?

I thought it wouldn't phase me. That I could just use the whole 'cold shoulder' routine and get back to my own merry way. But it seems like it's backfiring on me. I know I should continue to be strong and resist but my gut feeling stirs me the opposite direction. I wouldn't normally be so forgiving of someone who hurt me so drastically, and I know I'm a fool if I decide to go back that direction. I don't want to back track. I want to move forward without having to look back.

But maybe looking back will help me move forward?

I can't ignore the fact that there's still unfinished business in my past that I haven't tried to deal with. I just tucked it underneath the piles of things I want/need to do, obviously so I can forget about it. Surprisingly enough, that "problem" resurfaced and I am absolutely torn.

Do I keep resisting? Do I continue to do what I'm doing, ignore my gut feeling, and just keep convincing myself with the logical thing to do? Or, do I give in? Do I find a way to make room for a small possibility of change and a second chance to see what could be? Either way, my guard is not coming down unless I know for sure what this is.

I'm confused.


Ugh. Why now.

OVERly under CONFIDENT

Ever study so much for an exam that you believed you were ready.. but when you get to take the exam, you totally forget everything and end up practically failing your first test in the class??

Yep. Happened to me this morning.

I was too anxious with trying to study things from the textbook that I didn't leave anytime to review my lecture notes. Stupid mistake, especially since Dr. Sergi did say we were going to be tested on 80% if the lecture notes. BLAH. Damn you, 8a.m. class!!

And to make matters worse, I get to my car and see a damn parking ticket on my window. Why?! Because the day pass I put on the dashboard was upside-down. (That's what I get for having to rush to class to take my exam, I guess.) Normally, I wouldn't complain because I am guilty of re-using day passes to avoid paying $5 that day but this time I actually bought a day pass. And to find that stupid ticket on my car just pissed me off. So, I had to go to the Parking and Transportation services building to appeal the damn ticket, which will take 5 weeks to process.

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On top of that, I'm am extremely exhausted and have a ton of things to do.
Why can't you keep up, body?!

Oh well, enough complaining from me -- just gotta deal, right?

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Mare's on temporary hiatus as of now.
Make sure you check on me to see if I'm still breathing.