Green Eyed Monster.

Without a doubt, I know I have many insecurities that weigh down my confidence. But what always seems to make me cringe is the thought of myself constantly becoming jealous over someone. ONE person in particular.
I find it very irritating, and quite frankly, ridiculous. The person who I am jealous of does not even compare to me... AT ALL!! Yet, just the thought of this person makes me want to do unspeakable things to them just to get rid of my problem, which probably won't do me any good.

I can't stand it. And it appears to be getting worse.

I hate that you have this effect on me!! Hate it!

Intervention, please!

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Yes, I am still afraid of being absolutely open with everything that's going on in my mind. I hide behind this persona that I allow people to see preventing them from getting to know who I really am. It's not because I dislike sharing myself with people, not even close. But being hurt in the past prevents me from doing so. I do believe that relationships are key to having a successful life ranging from familial to romantic ones. However, maintaining functional relationships is hard work and comes with many unspoken sacrifices and difficulties. And if not careful, these relationships can falter. In my case, it has evolved into something that I never thought would occur between myself and a best friend of mine. But that's another story for another time.
Revelation of what I truly feel will take me time to get used to. I know I can't hide behind forever and eventually someone will find/see the REAL me. Am I ready for that? Possibly. Will it happen? Without a doubt. And it's something I'm willing to face when the time comes. As of now, I await what this life has in store for me. I am still emotionally bruised from what the past couple of months brought to me but I won't allow myself to dwell on it. Maybe I am running away from the reality of the situations. And yes, I know I should face them to give me peace of mind. But will that really make me feel better? I think so. No, I know so. I'm just scared.